


Wayne Family Tweets, aka Why Bruce Wayne's Hair Is Going Gray

by jedormis (dottie_wan_kenobi)



Series: Batfam Fics [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Adopted Children, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Angst, Banter, Bat Family, Bickering, Brother-Sister Relationships, Brothers, Celebrities, Dysfunctional Family, Embedded Images, Family, Father-Daughter Relationships, Father-Son Relationships - Freeform, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Memes, Pictures, Siblings, Social Media, Teasing, Twitter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-08 13:44:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17387441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dottie_wan_kenobi/pseuds/jedormis
Summary: JTW@hottoddieoh okay u hold a totally acceptable grudge for a couple years and suddenly ur “”bitter””Timbo@realtimbo“I’m not bitter!!” bitterly cries very bitter manDuke of the Manor@dukeofthemanorRT “@realtimbo: “I’m not bitter!!” bitterly cries very bitter man” black coffee, dark chocolate, arugula lookin ass





	1. complete, bitter, far-flung, and dogs

**Author's Note:**

> I know this has been done before, but I really wanted to write one of my own. I used a random word generator to find prompts, and this first chapter has four of them, though I'm not sure exactly how many future chapters will have.
> 
> Emojis are shown like this: ":joy:". That one is the laughing/crying one. If any of them are unclear, just let me know and I'll show you what they mean!
> 
> List of names:  
> Bruce Wayne @RealBruceWayne (Bruce)  
> Dickiebird @theflyinggrayson (Dick)  
> JTW @hottoddie (Jason)  
> C A S S A N D R A @cassiewayne (Cass)  
> Timbo @realtimbo (Tim)  
> Duke of the Manor @dukeofthemanor (Duke)  
> Damian Wayne @bloodwayne (Damian)  
> Vicki Vale @vickivale (Vicki Vale, a reporter for the Gotham Gazette)  
> Gotham Gazette @GothamGazette (a newspaper in Gotham)  
> Robinella @dancerortiz (Isabelle Ortiz, Duke's comics girlfriend. In this fic, they aren't together)  
> Sammi Huang @Huanger1483 (Sammy Huang, an OC friend of Cass's who lives in Hong Kong)  
> sTePHaNie @stephthespoiled (Stephanie)  
> Det. Rohrbach @amesrohrbach (Amy Rohrbach, a detective friend of Dick's)  
> Scott Dixon @scotchdix (Scott Dixon, an OC detective friend of Dick's)  
> Princess Kori @koriandrs (Koriand'r/Starfire, Jason's friend and Dick's comics ex-girlfriend, though in this fic, they never dated)

**complete**

 

**Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

Since I cannot celebrate #NationalKidsDay at home, and my kids dared me to be “as extra as possible” 1/?

**Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@theflyinggrayson You changed my life. You gave me a family, a companion, a constant source of amusement. Even when we argue, even when you drop out of college or fight with your siblings about cereal, you make me so proud. I could not possibly live a life without you in it. I love you so much Dickiebird. 2/?

**Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

Jason, I know it may not seem like it, but there’s not a day that passes I don’t think about you. I still brag about you, my little genius. Being able to say I had sons, children, it made my heart soar. Showing you off to GHS, watching you be sincerely you, I felt so proud. 3/?

**Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

Tomorrow marks six years since we lost you. It doesn’t feel real. It doesn’t feel right. Sometimes I think I’ll turn around and there you’ll be. We aren’t complete without you. I miss and love you just as much as I did before you passed. Rest in peace, son. You’ll be happy to know I still tip with hundos. 4/?

**Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@cassiewayne My Cassie, I am astounded by your strength and courage more and more every day. You’re so smart, and you’re an amazingly talented dancer. Our quiet moments together are some of the best moments in my life. 5/?

**Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@cassiewayne I’m honored to have you as a daughter, and the Wayne name itself is honored to have you. I love you very very much. 6/?

**Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@realtimbo Timmy, I’m well aware you think I favor your siblings over you to point I know nothing about you. Allow me to prove you wrong. You graduated with a 4.1 GPA and honors. Your favorite show is the old Star Trek, though you’ve seen every episode of That 70’s Show at least five times. 7/?

**Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@realtimbo Your favorite color is yellow. You waited by the door for me to come home from work everyday when you were younger so you could take my jacket and hide in it. Your favorite vine is the one of the little girl screaming “give me my fucking money!” You prefer Skittles over M&Ms and take your coffee filled with sugar and cream. 8/?

**Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@realtimbo Trust me when I say you are not forgotten, or overlooked, or unloved. You’ve done more for our family and our company than you could possibly imagine. I am UNBELIEVABLY proud. Also, I know I said I never wanted to hear your ridiculous theories again, but feel free to educate me whenever you feel like it. I love you Tim. Never doubt that. 9/?

**Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@dukeofthemanor Duke, you’ve been with us the shortest amount of time but that doesn’t change the fact that you are a wonderfully intelligent, athletic, sincere, kind, and adventurous young man. The Manor shines with your smile and echoes with your laugh, and is all the better for it. 10/?

**Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@dukeofthemanor Though I can’t pretend to understand your taste in video games, I’m glad to finally have someone else in the family who enjoys mint chocolate chip like I do. To know that you’re enjoying your time with us, and that it might someday become permanent, makes me extremely happy. Thank you Duke. 11/?

**Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

And finally @bloodwayne. Damian, our circumstances have never been ideal, but please know I would chose them over and over if it meant I got to have you in my life. You AND your ten thousand pets, and your wonderful art, and your snark, and everything else. I couldn’t imagine my life without you, nor would I want to. 12/?

**Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@bloodwayne You’ve grown and matured so much since you first came home, both in the general sense and emotionally. You take your responsibilities very seriously, but still find time to be a kid and enjoy life (which DOES NOT include trying to kill your siblings). Your perseverance is amazing, son. Don’t lose hope. I love you. 13/14

**Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

And that concludes the thread. Kids, I will be home soon. Be glad this is what I consider extra, as opposed to adopting another child and not telling you. Happy #NationalKidsDay 14/14

\----

**Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

@RealBruceWayne oh my god we said you’re extra not make us cry you asshole :sob: I love you too wtf (but I could really stand to hear you say that more cough cough)

**Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

@RealBruceWayne I think it goes without saying that you’ve given me a family and so much more right back. I couldn’t have asked for a better dad :heart:

**JTW** @hottoddie

@RealBruceWayne hundos? really? ur a billionaire, u can stand to part with a couple thousand at least. Also sweet message ig

**C A S S A N D R A** @cassiewayne

@RealBruceWayne Much love to you Bruce <3

**Timbo** @realtimbo

@RealBruceWayne oh,,,,, my goD?? Ur a fuckin stalker and that’s gonna be the next theory I present to u. Also I’m changing your name in my phone to “Sappy Ass” HOPE UR HAPPY

**Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

@RealBruceWayne DIDN’T EXPECT TO START THIS MORNING OFF WITH CRYING THANKS OFC I LOVE IT WITH U GUYS YALL ARE AMAZING THE HECK

**Damian Wayne** @bloodwayne

@RealBruceWayne _[two photos: on the left, a picture of Bruce Wayne, obviously not fully awake and sipping on a cup of coffee, leaning against the counter and clad in nothing but a pair of Wonder Woman pajama pants. The amused smile on his face revealed he was most likely watching his family eat breakfast. On the right, an amazingly and lovingly detailed drawing of the picture, signed “with love, Damian Wayne”]_

* * *

**bitter**

 

**JTW** @hottoddie

oh okay u hold a totally acceptable grudge for a couple years and suddenly ur “”bitter””

\----

**Timbo** @realtimbo

“I’m not bitter!!” bitterly cries very bitter man

**Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

RT “@realtimbo: “I’m not bitter!!” bitterly cries very bitter man” black coffee, dark chocolate, arugula lookin ass

**Robinella** @dancerortiz

@dukeofthemanor arugula??? tf is happening to you in that mansion man

**Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

@dancerortiz nOTHING jeez I googled bitter things and that was one of the first things smh u have no faith in me

**Timbo** @realtimbo

@dancerortiz @dukeofthemanor r u insinuating Bruce’s crazy hasn’t rubbed off on u yet bc damn im jealous

**Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

@dancerortiz @realtimbo the crazy parts, nah, but like… I get it now. the Head Tilt Thing. I get it.

**Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

@dukeofthemanor @realtimbo Ah yes,, the Head Tilt. The Bruce Wayne Trademarked Head Tilt. A Bruce Classic. Considering all of his kids do it, it’s really a wonder…,,,..,,.,.,.,.,.,.,,..,,,,. #biologicallyrelated ?

**Timbo** @realtimbo

@dukeofthemanor @theflyinggrayson DICK SHUT UP KLJFKDSJKLSJDAK WE DONT NEED MORE PRESS LIKE THIS

**Damian Wayne** @bloodwayne

@dukeofthemanor @realtimbo @theflyinggrayson Grayson, I believe you are, as they say, coming for my brand and I won’t stand for it. Make such an insinuation again and I will be forced to take excessive action. #TrueWayneHeir

**Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

@realtimbo @theflyinggrayson NOOOO STOP IT :joy: #NOTbiologicallyrelated

**Robinella** @dancerortiz

@dukeofthemanor Dios mío Duke….

**Timbo** @realtimbo

@bloodwayne wow bitter much dami?

**Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

@bloodwayne [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHgCkuHIE5Q ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHgCkuHIE5Q) is this you

**Timbo** @realtimbo

@bloodwayne @theflyinggrayson Damian: I’m in this picture and I don’t like it

**Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

@bloodwayne @theflyinggrayson @realtimbo gEt oUT ma FACE!!!!

**Damian Wayne** @bloodwayne

@theflyinggrayson @realtimbo @dukeofthemanor I will eviscerate all of you

**Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

@bloodwayne @realtimbo @dukeofthemanor FINE BY ME!! PARKING LOT OF DENNY’S 3 AM BE THERE OR BE SQUARE

**Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

@theflyinggrayson @realtimbo @bloodwayne Dami out loud: be… square?? Is that another ridiculous American saying? But if he’s referring to the shape of our jaws, I clearly have a more square mandible than gRaYSoN

**Timbo** @realtimbo

@theflyinggrayson @bloodwayne @dukeofthemanor also Dami: a DENNY’S??? I’m too rich for such a vile place… why must it be a DENNY’S?? also wasn’t it GRAysOn who said I should be in bed by 10??

**Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@bloodwayne @theflyinggrayson @realtimbo @dukeofthemanor Really boys? Can’t you at least take this to a text conversation like normal people? Or better yet, in person?

**Damian Wayne** @bloodwayne

@RealBruceWayne Great idea, Father! @theflyinggrayson @realtimbo @dukeofthemanor Come to the kitchen dear brothers, we’ll be able to work out our problems there in person and I do believe I know just how to do it :knife:

**Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@bloodwayne NO

\----

**JTW** @hottoddie

if only u guys knew wtf i had to deal with on a daily basis holy shit YOUD BE BITTER TOO

* * *

**far-flung**

 

**C A S S A N D R A** @cassiewayne

Having fun in Tsim Sha Tsui with @Huanger1483 ! This is Nathan Road at dusk.

**Timbo** @realtimbo

@cassiewayne that looks so cool but u know whats cooler? coming home a day early so we can hang out

**C A S S A N D R A** @cassiewayne

@realtimbo Soon but not yet. We still have to visit Victoria Peak and Disneyland

**Timbo** @realtimbo

@cassiewayne just bc ur valid doesnt mean im happy about it

**C A S S A N D R A** @cassiewayne

@realtimbo I miss you too :heart:

**Sammi Huang** @Huanger1483

@cassiewayne @realtimbo You could come with us to Disneyland if you want?

**C A S S A N D R A** @cassiewayne

@Huanger1483 @realtimbo I would love to have you with us brother

**Timbo** @realtimbo

@Huanger1483 @cassiewayne fucc yeah text me the details and ill be right there

**C A S S A N D R A** @cassiewayne

@realtimbo I can’t wait to see you!!!

**Timbo** @realtimbo

@cassiewayne me neither omg. its been so long since we last saw each other… a veritable eternity… that saying is right, the very platonic heart does grow fonder with distance…

**JTW** @hottoddie

@cassiewayne @realtimbo jesus you’re so dramatic, she’s been gone what? a week?

**Timbo** @realtimbo

@hottoddie U KNOW WHAT LET ME MISS MY SISTER IN PEACE

**C A S S A N D R A** @cassiewayne

@hottoddie You could come visit as well

**JTW** @hottoddie

@cassiewayne that’s real sweet but i got business here at home that i can’t leave. plus i can wait until you get back UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE

**Timbo** @realtimbo

RT “@theflyinggrayson: @bloodwayne @realtimbo @dukeofthemanor FINE BY ME!! PARKING LOT OF DENNY’S 3 AM BE THERE OR BE SQUARE” TRY ME @hottoddie

**JTW** @hottoddie

@realtimbo and how tf am i supposed to fight you behind a Denny’s if you’re off in Hong Kong?? use your brain Replacement smh, thought Bruce taught you better than this

**Timbo** @realtimbo

@hottoddie i obviously meant when i got back from having fun and not being biTTER

**C A S S A N D R A** @cassiewayne

@hottoddie @realtimbo Stop it. Now. Or neither of you will get to come with us.

**Timbo** @realtimbo

@hottoddie @cassiewayne HHHH okay yes ma’am

\----

**Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

Eating at the best diner in all of Blüdhaven (Bookkeep Diner) w @amesrohrbach and @scotchdix

**Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

@theflyinggrayson DUDE next time I visit ur taking me there

**Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

@dukeofthemanor if that’s what you wanna do then sure lol

**Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

@theflyinggrayson screenshotted and printed out, there will be no takesy backsies of any sort, I HAVE THE RECEIPTS GRAYSON

**Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

@dukeofthemanor Duke my dear sweet boi,,, you don’t have to use receipts with me.

**Timbo** @realtimbo

@dukeofthemanor @theflyinggrayson yes u do

**Damian Wayne** @bloodwayne

@dukeofthemanor @theflyinggrayson Yes, you do.

**JTW** @hottoddie

@dukeofthemanor @theflyinggrayson uh yes actually you do

**Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

@dukeofthemanor @realtimbo @bloodwayne @hottoddie EXCUSE ME WHEN HAVE YOU EVER

**Damian Wayne** @bloodwayne

@dukeofthemanor @realtimbo @theflyinggrayson @hottoddie I AM STILL WAITING FOR YOU TO TAKE ME TO THE ZOO BROTHER. _[Picture of texts exchanged with “Grayson”, with several scribbled over, showing only three messages. The only text on the right, from Damian, said “So you agree, you will take me to Gotham Zoo?”. The two texts on the left, from Grayson, said “Yes I promise” and “Just don’t expect to bring home any of the animals bc Alfred will kill me”]_

**Timbo** @realtimbo

@dukeofthemanor @bloodwayne @theflyinggrayson @hottoddie kindly FUCK OFF with ur bullshit. uve been home at least 3 times since this. _[Picture of texts exchanged with “Dick :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:”, with several scribbled over, showing only two messages. Tim said “hey can u help me w this old computer we found?? steph said if she touches it itll explode and like i dont want that so pleeeeeaseeee??”. Dick said “Yeah sure, we can take a look at it when I come home next okay?”]_

**JTW** @hottoddie

@dukeofthemanor @bloodwayne @theflyinggrayson @realtimbo “we’ll go paintballing for your birthday” “i’ll pay you back” “we can hang out whenever you want” UH HUH [Several pictures of texts with “Dickhead” in which Dickhead said all of the things mentioned above]

**Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

RT “@dukeofthemanor: @theflyinggrayson screenshotted and printed out, there will be no takesy backsies of any sort, I HAVE THE RECEIPTS GRAYSON”

**Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

RT “@theflyinggrayson: @bloodwayne @realtimbo @dukeofthemanor FINE BY ME!! PARKING LOT OF DENNY’S 3 AM BE THERE OR BE SQUARE” TODAY IS NOT DRAG DICK DAY :knife: :knife: :knife:

**JTW** @hottoddie

@theflyinggrayson you’re not so far flung that i can’t just drive over and FITE you

**Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@theflyinggrayson @hottoddie @realtimbo @dukeofthemanor @bloodwayne

* * *

**dogs**

 

**Damian Wayne** @bloodwayne

When will your pathetic mongrels ever reach this level of class

**Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

@bloodwayne A GOOD BOY. THE GOODEST OF BOYS. I LOVE HIM.

**Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

@bloodwayne Wow!! He’s grown a lot since I last saw him!

**JTW** @hottoddie

@bloodwayne Titus Andronicus would be proud

\----

**Timbo** @realtimbo

Titus lookin fly af

**sTePHaNie** @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo He’s so cuteeeeee omg I love him so much

**Damian Wayne** @bloodwayne

@realtimbo UNHAND MY DOG THIS INSTANT

**C A S S A N D R A** @cassiewayne

@realtimbo Timmy, very nice picture!!

**Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@realtimbo Amazingly shot, Tim. But please give Titus back to Damian before he burns the Manor down in a rage.

**Timbo** @realtimbo

@RealBruceWayne ughhh fine

\----

**JTW** @hottoddie

He’s just as soft as he looks

**Damian Wayne** @blood

@hottoddie @RealBruceWayne FATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Timbo** @realtimbo

@hottoddie @RealBruceWayne @bloodwayne SNITCHES GET STITCHES DAMIAN :knife:

**Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

@hottoddie @RealBruceWayne @bloodwayne @realtimbo DON’T YOU TOUCH ONE HAIR ON HIS PRECIOUS LITTLE HEAD TIMOTHY

**Damian Wayne** @bloodwayne

@realtimbo @theflyinggrayson @RealBruceWayne @hottoddie CEASE THIS NONSENSE AND GIVE ME BACK MY DOG OR SO HELP ME

**JTW** @hottoddie

@realtimbo @theflyinggrayson @RealBruceWayne @bloodwayne JOKES ON U THIS PIC IS SEVERAL DAYS OLD AND THERE’S NOTHIGN YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT

**Timbo** @realtimbo

@hottoddie @theflyinggrayson @RealBruceWayne @bloodwayne dami just made the most scandalized noise ive ever heard in my whole life omfg

**sTePHaNie** @stephthespoiled

Me and @cassiewayne and @dukeofthemanor rn

 

**Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@hottoddie @theflyinggrayson @realtimbo @bloodwayne @stephthespoiled @cassiewayne @dukeofthemanor NEW RULE. STOP KIDNAPPING TITUS AND CAUSING YOUR BROTHER UNDUE STRESS.

**Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

@RealBruceWayne @hottoddie @realtimbo @bloodwayne @stephthespoiled @cassiewayne @dukeofthemanor does this mean we should get our own dogs?? You know to make sure poor Titus is never STOLEN from our precious baby Damian ever again?

**Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

@RealBruceWayne @hottoddie @realtimbo @bloodwayne @stephthespoiled @cassiewayne @theflyinggrayson OMG YESSSSS I WAS GONNA WAIT TO ASK BUT NVM CAN I GET A DOGGO BRUCE

**JTW** @hottoddie

@RealBruceWayne @dukeofthemanor @realtimbo @bloodwayne @stephthespoiled @cassiewayne @theflyinggrayson so you get the demon a dog but not me??? then protect the dog by way of yelling at me???? and yet you claim no favoritism is2g

**Timbo** @realtimbo

@RealBruceWayne @dukeofthemanor @hottoddie @bloodwayne @stephthespoiled @cassiewayne @theflyinggrayson HHHHHHHH NO we have too many pets as it is, Titus does not need another friend idc what anyone says

**Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@hottoddie @theflyinggrayson @realtimbo @bloodwayne @stephthespoiled @cassiewayne @dukeofthemanor Take that up with Alfred.

\----

**Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

GREAT NEWS EVERYONE. HER NAME IS SADIE AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH.

**sTePHaNie** @stephthespoiled

@theflyinggrayson I LOVE SADIE MORE THAN I LOVE ANYTHING ELSE ON THIS EARTH OMFGGGG MY HEART

**sTePHaNie** @stephthespoiled

@theflyinggrayson IM COMING OVER RIGHT TF NOW TO PET YOUR BABY

**Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

@theflyinggrayson TOE BEANS TOE BEANS TOE BEANS

**Det. Rohrbach** @amesrohrbach

@theflyinggrayson Dick, she’s precious! Bring her around the station sometime, I want to meet her!

**Timbo** @realtimbo

@theflyinggrayson is she cute? yes. do i want to pet her? yes. am i happy u got her? no. but do i love her??? yes.

**JTW** @hottoddie

@theflyinggrayson fuckin cute

**Damian Wayne** @bloodwayne

@theflyinggrayson She is quite adorable but not quite on Titus’ level.

\----

**JTW** @hottoddie

his name is finn cause i love john boyega bye

 

**C A S S A N D R A** @cassiewayne

@hottoddie So precious!!! Finn is a very nice name

**Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

@hottoddie He’s so floofy I just wanna hug him

**Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

@hottoddie Can I come over lol

**JTW** @hottoddie

@dukeofthemanor you’re not supposed to know where I live but sure

**Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

@hottoddie I LOVE HIM

**Princess Kori** @koriandrs

@hottoddie Roy and I expect to be introduced next time we come visit, Jason!

**JTW** @hottoddie

@koriandrs well duh but if u try to take my dog, I will FITE

\----

**C A S S A N D R A** @cassiewayne

I couldn’t pick one… meet Dylan and Delaney

**Sammi Huang** @Huanger1483

@cassiewayne Adorable!!!! I hope when you visit Hong Kong again, I can see them!

**Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

@cassiewayne CASS MY HEART!!! they’re so small I love them so much omg

**JTW** @hottoddie

@cassiewayne absolutely precious, sister

**Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

@cassiewayne They look like little dolls omg…. v soft and cuddly….. I love them

**Damian Wayne** @bloodwayne

@cassiewayne Prized animals, Cassandra, truly. Very cute.

\----

**Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

IM GONNA CRY LOOK AT MY DARLING BABY ELLIE

**sTePHaNie** @stephthespoiled

@dukeofthemanor DUKE I LOVE HER SO MUCH

**Robinella** @dancerortiz

@dukeofthemanor bring her round the old neighborhood! We all wanna meet her :joy:

**Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

@dukeofthemanor Duke she is so cute omg

**JTW** @hottoddie

@dukeofthemanor dude you could’ve named her like cerberus or some shit and you went with ellie?? smh

**Timbo** @realtimbo

@dukeofthemanor since shes the only one about to actually live at home w us I GUESS ill love her w my whole heart

**Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

@realtimbo how sad :( how ever will you survive?

**Timbo** @realtimbo

@dukeofthemanor i hear dogs are good for that

\----

**Damian Wayne** @bloodwayne

Unlike my so-called siblings, I decided to adopt a rescue dog from @GothamHumaneSoc named Miranda. And would you look at that, she’s just as beautiful and photogenic as my Titus.

**Gotham Humane Society** @GothamHumaneSoc

@bloodwayne Miranda looks so peaceful! We’re so glad she can go to a loving home with you and other animals! :heart: :heart: :heart:

**Damian Wayne** @bloodwayne

@GothamHumaneSoc As am I. Lovely dogs like Miranda deserve nothing but a happy and healthy life, and had I been able, I would have adopted all the animals in your kennels. Unfortunately, Father has disallowed that. In the meantime, I suggest everyone who is able go to the Humane Society and adopt.

**Damian Wayne** @bloodwayne

@GothamHumaneSoc But harm one hair on your animal’s precious little head and I will come for you. Being impoverished or angry at life is no reason to abuse your pet, who loves you and is dependant on you. Trust me when I say I will KNOW if you do anything unkind, and I WILL eviscerate you and hang your entrails from the gates of Arkham.

**Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@GothamHumaneSoc @bloodwayne As noble as that is, son, maybe you should dial it down? The Humane Society has very graciously given you yet another pet. Don’t give them bad publicity in return.

**Damian Wayne** @bloodwayne

@GothamHumaneSoc @RealBruceWayne You are absolutely right, Father. My apologies, Humane Society. As for the rest of you…, I meant every word.

**Timbo** @realtimbo

@GothamHumaneSoc @RealBruceWayne @bloodwayne JESUS CHRIST DAMIAN


	2. satisfying, rebel, and dysfunctional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New characters this chapter:
> 
> mx. brightside @298sfpw4 (an OC who will probably not show up again tbh)  
> resolve @harperfcknrow (Harper Row)  
> Cullen but not like Twilight @rowcullen (Cullen Row)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit shorter than the last one but I wanted to post something, and this is pretty funny imo so it balances out??
> 
> Warning for small mention of a sexual assault and then a lot of sibling-like reaction to it. In the same vein, this chapter **has more mature rated language** than the last chapter. Tread cautiously if that sort of thing affects you! It's mainly lots of cuss words ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> The link in this chapter takes you to a youtube video of a vine btw!!

**satisfying**

 

 **Timbo** @realtimbo

just saying…. I have the power of god and anime on my side. u think u can come to my house and mock me and not Feel The Hurt??

 

 **sTePHaNie** @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo why are you such a nerd oh my god

 

 **Timbo** @realtimbo

@stephthespoiled sTePHaNie I am NOT a nerd but I AM Powerful….,, and I will not tolerate this Injustice

 

 **Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

@realtimbo All he did was call you a loser and you’re gonna put The Hurt on him? Seriously dude?

 

 **Timbo** @realtimbo

@theflyinggrayson fuck on outta here w ur condescension Dickiebird this doesn’t concern you

 

 **JTW** @hottoddie

@realtimbo @theflyinggrayson as much as I love this confidence Replacement, you need to chill tf out

 

 **sTePHaNie** @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo @theflyinggrayson @hottoddie it is so satisfying to see Jay tell Timmers to chill out oh my god

 

 **Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

@realtimbo @theflyinggrayson @hottoddie @stephthespoiled It is but Tim u really do need to chill…. Little brothers do shit like this…. Get Over It

 

 **Timbo** @realtimbo

@dukeofthemanor NO i REFUSE. he called me a Loser in My Own Home…. the AUDACITY

 

 **Damian Wayne** @bloodwayne

@realtimbo This is just embarrassing. Loser.

 

 **Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@realtimbo Tim, come to my office please. Damian, stop calling your brother names. The rest of you, can you please, PLEASE stop antagonizing and goading your siblings?

 

 **Timbo** @realtimbo

@RealBruceWayne nO

 

 **JTW** @hottoddie

@realtimbo @RealBruceWayne too much to ask for old man :ok_hand: :peace_sign:

 

 **Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

@realtimbo @RealBruceWayne “Be a good loving supportive older brother Dick” “Don’t antagonize and goad your siblings Dick” I CANT DO BOTH

 

 **sTePHaNie** @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo @RealBruceWayne DOES THIS MEAN UR FINALLY ADOPTING ME

 

 **Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

@realtimbo @RealBruceWayne FINEEEEEE BRUCE

 

 **Damian Wayne** @bloodwayne

@realtimbo @RealBruceWayne I suppose I can do that, Father. If Timothy will stop calling me Brat.

 

 **Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@realtimbo @bloodwayne The three of us will be having a long, long talk about name calling and respect when I get home. Don’t even try to think about getting out of it.

 

 **JTW** @hottoddie

@realtimbo @bloodwayne @RealBruceWayne asdfghjklasdfkj I can’t believe you’re actually gonna Lecture these little assholes

 

 **Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@realtimbo @bloodwayne @hottoddie You want to be part of the conversation too?

 

 **JTW** @hottoddie

@realtimbo @bloodwayne @RealBruceWayne funny, I think you’re forgetting I’m an adult that you can’t boss around anymore

 

 **Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@realtimbo @bloodwayne @hottoddie Funny, I think you’re forgetting I’m your father who can and will Lecture you no matter what you say or do

 

 **sTePHaNie** @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo @bloodwayne @RealBruceWayne I SAY AGAIN, THIS IS SO SATISFYING

 

**\----**

 

 **Gotham Gazette** @GothamGazette

Bruce Wayne has another child? In a recent Twitter thread, local billionaire calls @hottoddie his child…despite the fact that …. https://gothamgazette.com/284028/Bruce-Wayne-Secret-Child.html

 

 **Vicki Vale** @vickivale

@theflyinggrayson @cassiewayne @realtimbo @dukeofthemanor @bloodwayne Care to share any exclusive details about @hottoddie ?

 

 **Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

@vickivale Sure!! We’d be overjoyed to give you exclusive, 100% true facts about @hottoddie

 

 **Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

@vickivale @hottoddie is a 37 year old man with a beer belly named Uglee McGross who lives in the basement of Wayne Manor and eats all of our goddamn Doritos and hasn’t had water since ‘07. All he drinks is Mt. Dew. We don’t talk about him because he’s just so gross.

 

 **C A S S A N D R A** @cassiewayne

@vickivale @hottoddie is my beloved sister, Bethany, who is only 10 months old and so advanced that she has a Twitter already. Isn’t that amazing? Isn’t SHE amazing? Love you sweetie! :heart:

 

 **Timbo** @realtimbo

@vickivale @hottoddie is the most annoying, prepubescent 13 year old I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting. He’s like a dog, humping everything he can get his hands on. It’s disgusting. Please arrest this DEVIANT.

 

 **Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

@vickivale @hottoddie is actually a really gross old lady who has a daddy kink that Bruce facilitates. It’s SOOOO gross. I don’t know her name but get her out of here, PLEASE. I can’t take it anymore!!!

 

 **Damian Wayne** @bloodwayne

@vickivale @hottoddie is a disgusting ingrate, 21 years old, from Crime Alley. He’s very annoying. He also hates you, Vicki Vale, which I’m sure you’re aware is rather common. Cease your invasion of our privacy before we sic him on you. You would not like that, I assure you.

 

 **sTePHaNie** @stephthespoiled

@vickivale @hottoddie is the hottest toddie in whole hot toddy community and you should be so lucky to meet him. He’s got Thiqqqq (four q’s) Thighs. Half a brain. One (1) cell of common sense. Also he really does hate you. He’s good at that.

 

 **JTW** @hottoddie

@vickivale you when you can’t find out shit about me

_[Picture of a quote saying: “Thou map of woe, that thus dost talk in signs!_

_When thy poor heart beats with outrageous beating,_

_Thou canst not strike it thus to make it still._

_Wound it with sighing, girl, kill it with groans; 1460_

_Or get some little knife between thy teeth,_

_And just against thy heart make thou a hole;_

_That all the tears that thy poor eyes let fall_

_May run into that sink, and soaking in_

_Drown the lamenting fool in sea-salt tears.”_

_-Titus to Lavinia, Titus Andronicus]_

 

 **Vicki Vale** @vickivale

@RealBruceWayne This childish behavior is really unbecoming of all of you, and certainly doesn’t reflect well, now does it? Control your smartass children, Bruce.

 

 **Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@vickivale Hmm… no, I don’t think I will. To quote my dear beloved child, Uglee Bethany McGross, stay in your lane, Vale.

 

**\----**

 

 **Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

Actual footage of Wayne Manor rn

 

* * *

**  
rebel**

 

 **Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

I think I’m gonna change my name on here but… what to? :thinking_face:

 

 **Timbo** @realtimbo

@dukeofthemanor Fresh Duke of Bristol

 

 **JTW** @hottoddie

@dukeofthemanor Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

 

 **Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

@dukeofthemanor Sunshine Boi

 

 **Damian Wayne** @bloodwayne

@dukeofthemanor Duke Thomas

 

 **C A S S A N D R A** @cassiewayne

@dukeofthemanor :sun: Duke :sun:

 

 **sTePHaNie** @stephthespoiled

@dukeofthemanor be a rebel and do something that has nothing to do with ur name or ur sunshiney personality

 

 **Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

@stephthespoiled okay but what??

 

 **mx. brightside** @298sfpw4

@dukeofthemanor I know we don’t know each other but a good pun is always a good idea. Mine used to be “not peeling well” since my icon is a banana. Or really like anything that connects to ur profile pic

 

 **Duke of the Manor** @dukeofthemanor

@298sfpw4 you know what? That’s a great idea thank you

 

**\----**

 

 **sipping brain hurting juice** @dukeofthemanor

#NewProfilePic

 

 **Dickiebird** @thelfyinggrayson

@dukeofthemanor wow this is the best picture I’ve possibly ever seen in my entire life. You’re so photogenic baby bro

 

 **JTW** @hottoddie

@dukeofthemanor you really not gonna share??? fine i see how it is. you don’t get any of my bone hurting juice now

 

 **C A S S A N D R A** @cassiewayne

@dukeofthemanor :joy: :joy: :joy: I’m stealing that outfit

 

 **Timbo** @realtimbo

@dukeofthemanor the band aids are a nice touch man. did u punch something? did u pet an angry cat? were u bitten by the rabid raccoon in the trash? who knows. but do u look cool? a solid 79.3% yes u do

 

 **Damian Wayne** @bloodwayne

@dukeofthemanor Thomas, I quite enjoyed your previous picture. One could actually see your face and hair. For all you complain about keeping up your hairstyle, you would think you would show it off in your picture. Yet this is what you’ve changed it to? You look like an imbecile. You are above this, 1/

 

 **resolve** @harperfcknrow

@dukeofthemanor lmfao I love it Duke!! But give a girl some photo cred next time huh? :joy:

 

 **Cullen but not like Twilight** @rowcullen

@dukeofthemanor D U K E omg when I said this picture would be funny I DIDN’T MEAN PICK IT ASJDFGGHJKLKKDJFKJDSFAKJDHAKSJFJAH

 

 **sTePHaNie** @stephthespoiled

@dukeofthemanor MEME ON THE HATERS BOO AND LOOK FLY DOING IT :sunglasses:

 

 **Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@dukeofthemanor Lovely picture, Duke. Just lovely. Can I ask why one sleeve is up and one is down?

 

 **sipping brain hurting juice** @dukeofthemanor

@RealBruceWayne THE AESTHETIC, BRUCE duh

 

 **Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@dukeofthemanor Oh right, the aesthetic. How silly of me, forgetting The Aesthetic.

 

 **Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@dukeofthemanor My secretary just told me that her sister wanted to pass a message along to you

 

 **sipping brain hurting juice** @dukeofthemanor

@RealBruceWayne oh worm? What is it?

 

 **Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@dukeofthemanor “Hmu memelord”

 

 **sipping brain hurting juice** @dukeofthemanor

@RealBruceWayne JDKLFJKLDJFKLDJSA IM GETTING THAT FRAMED. BRUCE WAYNE SAID MEMELORD.

 

 **Timbo** @realtimbo

@RealBruceWayne @dukeofthemanor IM DECEASED

 

 **Timbo** @realtimbo

@RealBruceWayne @dukeofthemanor WE SHOULD PRINT IT 500 TIMES AND PUT IT EVERYWHERE IN THE MANOR

 

 **Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@dukeofthemanor @realtimbo WHY would you EVER do that

 

 **sipping brain hurting juice** @dukeofthemanor

@realtimbo @RealBruceWayne THE A E S T H E T I C BRUCE!! TIMMY WE’RE DOING IT. COME TO THE EAST OFFICE RN

 

 **Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@realtimbo @dukeofthemanor Boys, don’t, or you’ll be grounded for a week.

 

 **Timbo** @realtimbo

@dukeofthemanor @RealBruceWayne SO??? i dont care about anything enough to be upset except for my coffee and if u took that away work would be 10000000% harder for u so IDC

 

 **sipping brain hurting juice** @dukeofthemanor

@realtimbo @RealBruceWayne IM A TEEN BRUCE I MUST REBEL IM SORRY

 

 **Timbo** @realtimbo

@dukeofthemanor @RealBruceWayne WE RIDE AT DAWN, BROTHER. @bloodwayne BETTER WATCH OUT, WE HITTING HIS ROOM FIRST

 

 **Damian Wayne** @bloodwayne

@dukeofthemanor @realtimbo @RealBruceWayne IF I SEE EVEN ONE SLIP OF PAPER ENTER MY ROOM, YOU WILL BOTH BE SORRY!!!!

 

 **JTW** @hottoddie

@dukeofthemanor @realtimbo @bloodwayne @RealBruceWayne at all the people presumably trying to get his attention at work rn:

 

* * *

 

**dysfunctional**

 

 **C A S S A N D R A** @cassiewayne

To everyone asking me why I broke a man’s hand today: he slapped my ass. To everyone who is upset about this: I don’t care. To everyone who is proud of me: thank you! :blush:

 

 **JTW** @hottoddie

@cassiewayne GIVE ME A NAME.

 

 **Timbo** @realtimbo

@cassiewayne @hottoddie ME AND UGLEE WILL KILL THIS MOFO

 

 **Damian Wayne** @bloodwayne

@cassiewayne @hottoddie @realtimbo :knife: :knife: :knife: COUNT ME IN

 

 **sipping brain hurting juice** @dukeofthemanor

@cassiewayne @hottoddie @realtimbo @bloodwayne ME FOUR!!!! You deserve so much better than the fuckin scum in this world i s2g

 

 **resolve** @harperfcknrow

@cassiewayne @hottoddie @realtimbo @bloodwayne @dukeofthemanor BITCHHHHHHH ME FIVE!! HE BETTER HOPE HE NEVER MEETS ME CAUSE ILL PULL ZERO (0) PUNCHES RIGHT TO HIS SHRIVELED LITTLE DICK

 

 **Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

@cassiewayne @hottoddie @realtimbo @bloodwayne @dukeofthemanor @harperfcknrow Cass, give me a name and I’ll have him arrested for sexual harassment

 

 **Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@cassiewayne @hottoddie @realtimbo @bloodwayne @dukeofthemanor @harperfcknrow @theflyinggrayson Children, calm down. Cassie, give us the name. I’ll get my lawyers on the case immediately.

 

 **C A S S A N D R A** @cassiewayne

@hottoddie @realtimbo @bloodwayne @dukeofthemanor @harperfcknrow @theflyinggrayson @RealBruceWayne That won’t be necessary.

 

 **sipping brain hurting juice** @dukeofthemanor

@cassiewayne the meme is 10/10 but I’m still about to square up on this mf

 

 **resolve** @harperfcknrow

@cassiewayne I mean okay but just know me and Cullen are ready to support you however you need whenever you need

 

 **Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

@cassiewayne I can respect that (...as long as I get to see the list someday….and maybe even cross some names off it at some point?? In a totally legal and healthy way???)

 

 **Damian Wayne** @bloodwayne

@cassiewayne Sister, I will not stand for this. Give me the list and what grievances the people on it have caused you. I WILL see justice served or so help me. That is a PROMISE.

 

 **JTW** @hottoddie

@cassiewayne

 

 **C A S S A N D R A** @cassiewayne

@hottoddie Not insane…. Badass. I’ve gone Badass.

 

 **JTW** @hottoddie

@cassiewayne fuck yeah girl!!! Cut those assholes’ dicks off!!! And I will of course help you, gleefully!!! Gladly!!! Extremely happily!!!!! Just say the word :upside_down_smile:

 

 **sipping brain hurting juice** @dukeofthemanor

RT “@cassiewayne: @hottoddie Not insane…. Badass. I’ve gone Badass.” same energy as [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKxErDcV1c0 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKxErDcV1c0)

 

 **Timbo** @realtimbo

@cassiewayne @hottoddie @dukeofthemanor Duke oh my god u G E N I U S that’s perfect

 

 **sipping brain hurting juice** @dukeofthemanor

@cassiewayne @hottoddie @realtimbo I try i try sksksksksksk

 

**\----**

 

 **sTePHaNie** @stephthespoiled

Oh my god all of you guys (Wayne kids only ESPECIALLY UGLEE TIMMY AND DAMI, not including my bb Cass) are so dysfunctional sksksksksksksksksks

 

 **Timbo** @realtimbo

@stephthespoiled NO we CARE and that =/= being DYSFUNCTIONAL ///O B V I O U S L Y///

 

 **sTePHaNie** @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo YOU GUYS WERE GONNA KILL A MAN AND UR TRYNA TELL ME THATS NOT DYSFUNCTIONAL??????? OK B I C T H

 

 **Timbo** @realtimbo

@stephthespoiled YOU LOVE CASS MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF YOUD CUT A BITCH FOR HER WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT SO DONT ACT LIKE U WOULDNT HELP US

 

 **sTePHaNie** @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo OF COURSE I WOULD, THAT BASTARD TOUCHED CASS!!!!!!!! I WOULD LIKE NOTHING MORE THAN TO RIP HIM LIMB FROM LIMB!!!!

 

 **Timbo** @realtimbo

@stephthespoiled LOOK WHOS dySfUNcTiOnAL NOW StEphAnIE

 

 **sTePHaNie** @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo NOT ME BITCH

 

 **Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@realtimbo @stephthespoiled Oh my god STOP. You two are not helping the situation. Either have this conversation in private or maybe just don’t have it? Like the mature almost-adults you both are?

 

 **sTePHaNie** @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo @RealBruceWayne I’ll stop talking if you adopt me

 

 **Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@realtimbo @stephthespoiled Not only do you still have a living mother, if I adopted you, you’d be able to say your adoptive father has walking in on you with your tongue down your adoptive brother’s throat. Is that what you want, Stephanie?

 

 **sTePHaNie** @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo @RealBruceWayne if you adopted me, I’d be able to afford the therapy it would take to deal with that

 

 **Timbo** @realtimbo

@RealBruceWayne @stephthespoiled I HATE THIS CONVERSATION SO MUCH IM GONNA KMS BYE

 

 **Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@stephthespoiled @realtimbo Then let’s end it. Steph, I’m not adopting you. Tim, don’t kill yourself and also don’t drink all the rest of the coffee, please. And both of you, if you MUST bicker, leave it to your text messages or real life. Not somewhere everyone can see.

 

 **sTePHaNie** @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo @RealBruceWayne are you saying you’re ashamed of me

 

 **Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@realtimbo @stephthespoiled Stephanie. Oh my god.

 

 **Timbo** @realtimbo

@stephthespoiled @RealBruceWayne please god end this suffering

 

 **sTePHaNie** @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo @RealBruceWayne i’m JUST SAYING if you adopted me and paid for my therapy (okay but Family Therapy Sessions??? We NEED that shit) all of this would be better

 

 **Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@realtimbo @stephthespoiled I’m about to adopt you just to ground you

 

 **sTePHaNie** @stephthespoiled

@realtimbo @RealBruceWayne You know what?? I’ll take it

 

**\----**

 

 **JTW** @hottoddie

@RealBruceWayne when @stephthespoiled says absolutely anything

 

 **Dickiebird** @theflyinggrayson

@hottoddie @RealBruceWayne when @stephthespoiled says absolutely anything

 

 **sipping brain hurting juice** @dukeofthemanor

@hottoddie @theflyinggrayson @RealBruceWayne when @stephthespoiled says absolutely anything

 

 **resolve** @harperfcknrow

@hottoddie @theflyinggrayson @dukeofthemanor @RealBruceWayne when @stephthespoiled says absolutely anything

 

 **Timbo** @realtimbo

@hottoddie @theflyinggrayson @dukeofthemanor @harperfcknrow @RealBruceWayne when @stephthespoiled says absolutely anything

 

 **sTePHaNie** @stephthespoiled

@hottoddie @theflyinggrayson @dukeofthemanor @harperfcknrow @realtimbo @RealBruceWayne BRUCE HELP IM BEING BULLIED BY UR FRICCIN CHILDREN

 

 **Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@stephthespoiled What? I suddenly can’t read.

 

 **sTePHaNie** @stephthespoiled

@RealBruceWayne

 

 **Papa John’s Pizza** @PapaJohns

We fortunately have no claim to @stephthespoiled or any connection with her father @RealBruceWayne

 

 **sTePHaNie** @stephthepsoiled

@PapaJohns @RealBruceWayne SEE!!!!!!!!!!!! IF PAPA JOHN SAYS YOU’RE MY DAD THEN IT MUST BE TRUE!!!! PAPA JOHN’S KNOWS THE TRUTH

 

 **Bruce Wayne** @RealBruceWayne

@stephthespoiled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own any of the pictures or gifs seen above, and the quote Jason posted, I found here: https://www.shakespeare-monologues.org/monologues/697. Also, I'm happy to explain what the emojis (":sunglasses:" for example) actually look like!
> 
> If you have anything you'd like to see, go ahead and suggest in the comments! I can't promise I'll do every idea, but it would help me keep motivation up. Thank you for reading! <3


	3. BATBOIS: ritzy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter BUT it's because I decided to try out a new format! It's texts instead of tweets but on Discord.... there are LOTS of pictures and I went ahead and typed it all up because pictures on here fuck up way too often. Sadly I don't have a different way to view the pictures at the moment :/
> 
> Quick note: Pepe the Frog is used in this chapter as a meme and emoji. I do condone the racist and bigoted connotations it has, and neither would the batbois. All of the neo nazis who use it for their agenda or whatever are pathetic little gremlins. That said, here it's used purely for humor value, and I hope the inclusion does not offend anyone. I won't really be able to take it off this chapter but if it does offend, I'll refrain from using it in the future.
> 
> WARNING for brief racism and sexual harassment  
> Also if you like Vicki Vale you won't like this chapter I'm sorry dkjsflkjdkljf I promise not all of my chapters will include making fun of her
> 
> EDIT 5/18/19: made the pictures bigger so they're easier to read!!

Timmy: i s2g if bruce makes us go to this gala tomorrow im gonna kms

Timmy: :thonkms:

 

Duke: are they really that bad

Duke: like I’ve heard terrible things but like,,, Really??

 

Jason: ofc we have to go replacement DUH

Jason: Duke you sweet innocent child……...OF COURSE IT’S THAT BAD

 

Damian: I don’t think so. We’re socializing and networking. That sort of thing is _important_  Todd. Not that you know anything about such high class matters like this one.

 

Dick: Okay but for me? It’s Cheek Pinch Happy Hour

Dick: They don’t pinch ur cheeks cause Bruce told them not to

Dick: But ME???? FREE FOR ALL

 

Timmy: ME TOO AND I HATE IT SO MUCH

 

Damian: You both need to grow up :rolling_eyes: what’s a little cheek pinch in the long run?

 

Timmy: COUGARS DON’T INTERACT

Timmy: THE CHEEK PINCH ISN’T EVEN THE BAD PART OKAY IT’S THE WHOLE AURA THESE LADIES HAVE

Timmy: _**SHIVERS**_

Timmy: THEY WANT TO EAT US IT’S SO DISGUSTING

 

Duke: oh fuck fkjsdjfklasdjfk

 

Jason: idk I just glare at them until they walk away it’s not that hard

 

Dick: Yeah for you!!! You’re the weird kid no one knows who is dressed as a waiter

Dick: They don’t bother with u bc they think ur just some new recruit for the staff

 

Timmy: LUCKY ASS DSLKJFKDSFAJFKLJ

 

Damian: TT

 

Duke: this sounds fuccin awful omg do we have to go

 

Dick: Bruce is gonna say yes bc he’s an asshole like that

 

Timmy: :ragepepe:

 

Jason: fucking great

Jason: but if any of those old bitches get too close just tell me and I’ll deal with it

 

Damian: Father won’t want you killing his peers, Todd, creepiness aside.

 

Jason: no shit sherlock

Jason: I was just gonna gently threaten them into keeping their hands to themselves

 

Dick: I’ll also help if they get too touchy feely

Dick: Also can someone tell the girls please

Dick: Can we just add them to this chat it’s so annoying going between them

 

Jason: NO

 

Damian: Keep Fatgirl out of this chat!!!

 

Timmy: BAT BOIS ONLY _R I C H A R D_

 

Duke: I wouldn’t mind but :shrug: clearly we’re outvoted

 

Dick: I s2g one of these days I’m just gonna add them and YOU PEOPLE (excluding Duke whomst I love) CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF

 

Jason: THERE ARE LITTLE EARS HERE DICKHEAD STOP FUCKING CUSSING JESUS FUCK

 

Damian: I hate you all.

\----

Duke: holy shit this place is so ritzy

Duke: I’m scared to touch like…. Everything

 

Jason: as a waiter I feel inclined to tell you that if you fuck up even one of the flower arrangements I will end you

 

Tim: is it That Deep tho Jason

Tim: like Really

 

Dick: Can we leave the threats please?

 

Jason: no

 

Duke: I solemnly swear I won’t touch the flower arrangements

Duke: but also U WANNA FUCKIN GO JASON

 

Damian: SIIIIIIIIIGH

Damian: I am so tired of your childish fighting! You’re supposedly adults! Act like it!

 

Tim: shut up brat

 

Damian: I WILL EVISCERATE YOU WITH A RUSTY SPOON, DRAKE

 

Dick: EXCUSE ME I SAID LEAVE THE THREATS

Dick: WE’RE IN PUBLIC WE’RE NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE ON OUR PHONES

Dick: JESUS

 

Jason: fuck off

Jason: go seduce a fuckin senior citizen or something

 

Damian: Do not speak to him that way, Todd. He is simply trying to do as Father told us, which is much more than can be said for you. Shall I show Father you’re not taking this seriously?

 

Jason: go right on ahead and when he inevitably comes over to scold me you know what I’m gonna do?

Jason: scream “YOU’RE NOT MY FUCKING DAD!!!! THE PATERNITY TEST PROVES NOTHING!!! LEAVE ME ALONE YOU FUCKING CREEPAZOID!” and get you all kicked out

 

Tim: I’ll have my camera rEADY

Tim: GET  ME TF OUTTA HERE

Tim: BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY

 

Duke: KDJFKLDJSFKLJDSLKFJALK FUCK A DUCK I HATE THIS I HATE GALAS THEY PRETTY BUT THEY EVIL

Duke: “So what’s it like to be Bruce Wayne’s only colored child?” UHHH FIRST OF ALL, THAT’S RACIST BITCH, AND SECOND OF ALL, HAVE U SEEN DAMIAN??? HES NOT WHITE EITHER

Duke: :ragepepe::ragepepe::ragepepe:

 

Dick: Oh Christ I’m so sorry Duke

 

Jason: was it that bitch Vicki

 

Duke: yeah :sob:

 

Tim: VICKI’S HERE?????????????????????

Tim: ABORT ABORT ABORT

Tim: IM TELLING BRUCE WE NEED TO GTFO

 

Damian: Thomas, tell me where she is so I may educate her “bitch ass”

Damian: As for you, Drake, how immature could you possibly be?

 

Dick: Dami no ””””educating””””” even if she deserves it

 

Tim: u saying u wanna stay so she can call u a terrorist???

 

Damian: FINE GRAYSON

Damian: ….No

 

Tim: THEN WE GOTTA BLAST

 

Dick: I’m telling him rn

Dick: He’s super pissed

 

Duke: oh god I don’t want him to cause a scene

 

Dick: “Tell Duke he’s free to go home and doesn’t have to come to the next one and can also complain on Twitter if he wants. I’m gonna take care of it”

Dick: Vicki Vale gonna die tonight

Dick: It’ll probably only be a small one?? If that makes you feel any better??

 

Duke: :darkyeehaw: :thonkms:

 

Jason: g o o d    r i d d a n c e    b i t c h

 

\----

 

Duke: I’m so mad

Duke: I looked so fuccin good tonight and barely anyone saw

Duke: 

Duke: LOOK!!!!! THE FASHION!!!!! THE POISE!!!!!!! THE AESTHETIC!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Tim: just post it on insta dude :joy:

 

Duke: duh

Duke: BUT I DRESSED UP FOR GOTHAM’S RICHEST AND THEY DIDN’T GET TO APPRECIATE IT

Duke: ALL IM GONNA GET ON INSTA IS A BUNCH OF THIRST COMMENTS

Duke: I WANTED “OH DAMN WHO’S YOUR DESIGNER??” NOT “CAN I LICK UR ABS”!!!

 

Jason: what’s wrong with an offer for an ab licking??? i’d kill for one

Jason: literally

 

Dick: Thank you so much for that image Jason

Dick: Just make sure to credit me for taking the pic

 

Jason: CAN’T YOU SEE HE’S HAVING A CRISIS DICKHEAD

 

Dick: I do see and I understand the gravity of it and I’m sincerely sorry that Vicki ruined your night with her bullshit

Dick: She’s going to get dragged to filth for this

Dick: But also I took that picture and I want some cred cause all my friends accuse me of taking shitty pics and this is proof that I don’t

 

Jason: they ARE shitty but go off

 

Damian: Tell your redheaded harem that you are more than capable of taking photos :rolling_eyes: I don’t understand how they all manage to be so foolish, I truly don’t

 

Dick: It’s not that I can’t take pictures, it’s that I can’t take good ones

 

Damian: That one above is perfectly fine to me

Damian: Thomas looks composed for once

 

Duke: I DON’T NEED THIS TONIGHT DAMI

 

Tim: Duke is the only one of us that consistently looks okay idk what ur talking about brat

 

Jason: EXCUSE ME I PUT IN SO MUCH EFFORT TO MY OUTFITS ONLY TO BE TOLD DUKE DRESSES BETTER???? FUCK YOU

 

Dick: **_I_**  AM THE FASHION GAY IN THIS FAMILY TIMOTHY DON’T JUST HAND OFF MY TITLE LIKE IT’S NOTHING I WORKED HARD FOR IT AND I REFUSE TO LET IT GO

Dick: DON’T FORGET DISCOWING MY GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IN LIFE OR MY FINGER STRIPES BITCH

 

Damian: Please! You’ve seen his ridiculous profile picture on Twitter. It’s a wonder Thomas *ever* looks “okay”!

 

Duke: Thanks Timmy

Duke: but uhhhhh nah I dress for comfort not fashion

Duke: EXCEPT TONIGHT GODDAMMIT

Duke: @dick yeah okay fine

 

Tim: DICK DISCOWING IS LITERALLY THE UGLIEST YOU’VE EVER BEEN IN UR LIFE AND I’VE SEEN YOU WITH A SHAVED HEAD!!!!!!!! YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY GET LOWER THAN DISCOWING!!!

 

Dick: FUCK OFF YOU CONDOM HEADED BITCH ASS

 

Tim: YOU WANNA FUCKING GO???????

 

Damian: I hate to agree with that ingrate Drake but he’s correct. Your ridiculous Discowing suit is by far the ugliest in the cave. I don’t think I have to remind you that yours and Jason’s green scaly panties are also kept in the cave. And the horrendous nipple suit.

 

Jason: SHUT UP DSKLFJLKSDJFLKSJADF WE DON’T TALK ABOUT THE NIPPLE SUIT STOP NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN PLEASE I BEG OF YOU

 

Duke: DSLJFLKJSDFKLJSALKJFKLSJDFKJSDFKJSKDFHJKSDHFKJASHDFJHSAKDJF

Duke:  _thinks about the nipple suit_  :thonkms:

 

Dick: ET TU BRUTE???????

Dick: THOSE “””PANTIES””” WORKED JUST FINE I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT MR. “I NEED PANTS OR I REFUSE TO PATROL” LOOKIN ASS

Dick: ALSO THANK YOU SO MUCH I’D DELETED THE FUCKING NIPPLE SUIT FROM MY BRAIN AS MUCH AS ANYONE POSSIBLY CAN AND NOW IT’S BACK!!!!!!

 

Tim: THIS IS THE W O R S T DAY

Tim: THE NIPPLE SUIT IS EVIL

Tim: PURE UNADULTERATED EVIL

 

Jason: this is all fucking Vicki Vale’s fault

 

Duke: :ragepepe:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys even like this dkfjlkdsjflkjsdf I know it's not tweets and I promise I'm not going to completely abandon that format but I wanted to try this out.....so idk just tell me yay (write more like this) or nay (stick to the tweets)? Please?  
> (Also the reason why Cass and Steph weren't in this is because I had to do this manually, bc idk how to do fakes, and I only have so many emails and devices to create discord accounts on dlfjlkdjkjaf)  
> ((Also I don't hate the Discowing suit but I thought it'd be funny for them to mock it))
> 
> Okay thank you and thank you for reading and commenting (I'm really sorry I haven't responded I'm terrible at it but I appreciate them all and I'm really glad you're all enjoying it!!) <3


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